what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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