We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize