I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
