Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize