Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
