He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
