I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I think your dad took our porno
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
