So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
