ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
