i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
