I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
