Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
