Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize