ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
