Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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