the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
