why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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