I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
