They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
