I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
