oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
