He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
