If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
