I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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