I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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