Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
