1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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