I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
