I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
