I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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