So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
