So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
