Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
