Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
BRING THE BAGELS
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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