Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
