i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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