the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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