this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
