yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
