if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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