I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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