I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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