You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There's always time for handjobs
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
