I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just googled if crying burns calories
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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