So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
