I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
