I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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