Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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