Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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