My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
