that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
