i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
