I could make wine with my vomit
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
