She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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