dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
