I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
