i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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