At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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