So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
