Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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