I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
