im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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