I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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