trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
