I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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